You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
Cause they’d fill the open air
And leave tear drops everywhere
You’d think me rude but I would just stand and

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns, slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems

Cause I’d get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach my how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sock-hop beneath my bed
The disco ball is just hanging by a thread
(Thread, thread…)

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns, slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
(When I fall asleep)

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep?
(Please take me away from here)
When I’m far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I’m weird cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell
(Said farewell)
But I’ll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar
(Jar, jar, jar…)

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns, slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
(When I fall asleep)

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns, slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

This song is just so wonderful. Last night I saw the first fireflies of the season. I was out for a walk on a much needed study break, and I saw them. And it made me so, indescribably happy.

When I was little, I used to travel with my mom and sisters to come visit grandma and grandpa over the summers. We don’t get fireflies in Washington (like tornadoes, but that’s a different story) so it was always a lot of fun to run around with a mason jar and catch them, and then watch the “stars” we’d captured.

I’m staying in Monmouth for the summer, and I’m looking forward to many more nights full of fireflies.


Somewhat Spontaneous

For those of you who read this on a semi-regular basis, you’ll probably notice that I stink at updating it! It’s not that I forget about it, I just don’t feel like boring all of you with my mundane life.

However, this past week was anything but mundane! I took a somewhat spontaneous trip to Chicago. (I say “somewhat spontaneous” because I bought the train tickets a week in advance, but it was a spontaneous idea.) But anyway, I went to Chicago. The main purpose of the trip was to surprise my friend JW for his senior recital at Roosevelt. Along the way, however, I saw my friend Paige, stayed with my friend Erick, and met some cool new friends (Cory, Bobby, and Chris).

The original plan was to arrive Wednesday afternoon, have some tea, enjoy a recital, hang out, and then leave Thursday afternoon. As one would expect, those plans changed. As soon as I got there I was convinced to change my train ticket to return on Friday and go out on Thursday night to a swanky club. How could I say no? I was already being spontaneous and rebellious! So I stayed.

I’m so glad I did! I got an ADORABLE new outfit, and got to be in the VIP section of Y Bar in downtown Chicago. And guess who else was in the VIP section?

So glad I stayed. Once I got back, I caught up on sleep (much, much needed sleep) and on Saturday I saw one of my friends get married! She was beautiful, and I wish her the best! Then my lil gave her junior half recital. She was lovely. Such a great performer!

Now it’s Sunday. And I’ve been sitting in my bathrobe for the last two hours. And I’ve had a 5 day weekend. I need to get back in school mode.

I graduate in three weeks. 21 days. I’m very excited about this! But also terrified. Truly terrified.

Tonight is also my very last formal meeting as an active member of Alpha Xi Delta. I’m not sure how to feel about this, so I’m just going to ignore it.

Today I gave the message at Space for Grace, our weekly chapel service on campus. By know you all should know how dearly I love the sound of my voice, especially on microphone, so this was very fun for me! I thought of the topic for the day (fairness, or lack thereof) and, with help from the college chaplain, prepared the entire service for the day! It seemed to be a bit of a one woman show though, as I was the only one singing and I gave the message, but that just means more mic time for me!

I’m including a copy of my message here, for those of you who want to hear it but were nowhere near Monmouth today!

Growing up with a twin, I was always very conscious of what was fair and what was not fair. If my sister got two hugs, I got two hugs. If my sister got five more minutes before bedtime, I got five more minutes before bedtime. If my sister got $1 for allowance (which, at the age of five was A LOT of money!), then I got $1 for allowance. My dad was always very careful to be fair, and was that way until I entered middle school. However, I do remember one evening when my mom said to my dad, “You know, Rob, life isn’t fair. And you’re doing these girls a disservice by splitting everything exactly down the line.” I never forgot those words. That was the moment I realized that life is not fair, and no matter how hard I struggled against this reality, it was not going to change.

Fast-forward about three years. I am in the fourth grade, finally old enough to run for student council. So I run for secretary. An easy job…easy enough for a fourth grader. I diligently prepare my speech on how I have neat handwriting (even though I didn’t), and how I live close to the school so I would never be late for meetings. I didn’t win. When the next election comes around, I run again, but this time for a different position. I didn’t win again. Now, at this point, any reasonable child would stop trying. I did not. I kept running for positions on the student body up through seventh grade when I finally realized that I was not popular enough to be elected. Does this seem fair? To me, it did not. I kept running because I kept telling myself that I was the best candidate so, naturally, I would be elected. And every time I lost, I was crushed. But I’d come back with more resolve, determined to do better the next time.

Now, I could go on and on in this same vein, with elections for drum major of both my middle school and high school marching bands, and even positions I ran for and awards I applied for here at Monmouth College. But I don’t want to bore you with my failures. These were merely examples that show how life isn’t fair, because if life was fair, I would have won at least one out of the ten or so elections I competed in.

But most of the time, life isn’t fair. And sometimes when we think that life isn’t treating us fairly, it is a blessing in disguise. Take one more example: During my junior year at Monmouth, I applied to be a Head Resident. I was highly qualified by all accounts, having spent the previous two years as a Resident Assistant, completing the necessary programs, getting excellent recommendations, and serving the best I could. As you may suspect, I was not hired as a Head Resident, but instead simply rehired as a Resident Assistant. Again, I was crushed. However, I have realized this year that this unfairness has been a blessing. By not being hired as an HR, I have been able to live in Peterson Hall (the nicest, newest building on campus), meet my quadmates (who are wonderful) and spend time with a staff of great people with whom I never imagined myself spending time. Also, the fact that I have fewer responsibilities has probably kept me sane. It truly has been a blessing.

Today’s scripture comes from Matthew 20:20-28. It describes the mother of brother disciples James and John, coming to the feet of Jesus and asking if her two sons may sit on Jesus’ right and left in His kingdom. When the other disciples heard this, they were angry. It was not fair of this mother to come and ask Jesus such a thing! But Jesus called them all together and said:

“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

I read this to mean that the rulers did not treat their subjects well. They were bossy, egotistical, and probably unfair on many occasions. “The rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them and their high officials exercise authority over them.” Fairness somehow includes a sense of mutuality – and a willingness to serve others. That is what Jesus was trying to get across to his disciples in this story. He tells them that they are not like the rulers.. Because to get ahead, to rule the group, one must serve, “just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” The Son of Man came to Earth to serve man, to pay for man’s sins, and to teach us that life is not fair.

Life isn’t fair. There was absolutely nothing fair that Jesus went to the cross. If life were fair, we would be paying for our own sins. Thank God life isn’t fair, for God loves us and cares for us unfairly.

I hope you all have enjoyed my message as much as I enjoyed writing (and delivering) it! 🙂


Last weekend, I had my last formal as an Alpha Xi Delta. I had a great time and thoroughly enjoyed myself, but it was still really sad. At one point my date even said, “Why are you crying? Don’t cry!” But I couldn’t help myself. 4 years. 4 years of memory, 4 years of responsibilities, 4 years of friends. And for some reason I was under the delusion that it would never end!

Then, not even a week later, I attended the last initiation I would ever be able to attend. I was crying before the ceremony even started. You don’t realize as a younger member that eventually you will have a “last initiation” and a “last formal” and a “last meeting.”

And as a student, you will have a “last paper” and a “last class” and a “last test.” But somehow these “lasts” are less traumatic. Perhaps because I’ve been in school for the great majority of my life and I can’t wait until I don’t have to go to school anymore.

But in my involvement, these lasts are traumatic. And I think it’s because I feel like I haven’t made the most of my time. Every year, the seniors said, “Don’t take this time for granted, because it goes by faster than you think!” And every year I thought, “Psh…I still have 2 years left! Plenty of time!” But now it’s April. April of my senior year. And I have 44 days until I can no longer consider myself to be a Monmouth College student. 44 days. And there’s nothing I can do about it.

I’ve made a plan for what I’m doing after school. It’s not glamorous, but it’s a plan. If you want to know more, ask!


Sometimes I feel like an adult in a kid’s body, and sometimes I feel exactly the opposite.

I came to this realization today while I was blowing bubbles in my milk with a straw. But more on that later.

I realized that sometimes I can’t wait to be a real grown up with real work experience, have the experience I need to get a job, and be an adult. Except I can’t do that yet because I’m only 21 and I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I’m 21, an almost college graduate, and I need a job.

On the other side, I feel like 5th grade Melissa is trying to bust out of the adult body I’m living in. Today for lunch, I had PB&J with potato chips layered inside. (If you say you haven’t done that, you’re lying.) I also started a harmless rumor and blew bubbles in my milk with a straw.

Being a kid was so much easier. I went to school 2 blocks from home, walked home with my best friend, and she’d stay until exactly 5:27 which gave her the right amount of time to get home by 5:30 for dinner. On the weekends, we’d meet halfway, right by the bushes in front of some old lady’s house.

Sometimes I feel like a kid in an adult’s body, and sometimes I feel exactly the opposite.

Little Melissa Jane…

My grandma used to write songs for everyone on their birthday. My name, being Melissa Jane, matched up well with the song “Eliza Jane.”

Here’s my song:

We’ve got a girl, we love her so..
We’ve got a girl, we love her so..
Little Melissa Jane..

Oh Melissa…Little Melissa Jane..
Oh Melissa…Little Melissa Jane..
With rosebud cheeks and eyes so blue…
Turned up nose and dimples too..
Oh Melissa…Little Melissa Jane..

I think this is one of the perfect examples of how loving my grandma was. She wrote songs for everyone. Personally, I think mine’s the best…But that’s just me.

I miss my grandma. Spokane isn’t the same without her.

Big Decisions

Life is scary. I know, I’ve been through this already. But life–real life–is scary.

I’ve been thinking for a while about my intended career path. I had it all planned out. I was going to get a Masters in Arts Administration, graduate in 2 years, and then get a job. Except recently, I’ve been thinking that maybe a MA in Arts Admin would pigeonhole me in the arts field. So after talking with a professor/boss, and my parents, I’ve decided to find a job. Preferably with a PR agency in the DC area. After a few years of work, I’ll go get my MBA with a concentration in Marketing or Marketing Communications.

Really scary. But that’s the new plan. So if anyone knows of any PR jobs in the DC area, let me know!