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Posts Tagged ‘expectations’

Sometimes…

Sometimes I feel like an adult in a kid’s body, and sometimes I feel exactly the opposite.

I came to this realization today while I was blowing bubbles in my milk with a straw. But more on that later.

I realized that sometimes I can’t wait to be a real grown up with real work experience, have the experience I need to get a job, and be an adult. Except I can’t do that yet because I’m only 21 and I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I’m 21, an almost college graduate, and I need a job.

On the other side, I feel like 5th grade Melissa is trying to bust out of the adult body I’m living in. Today for lunch, I had PB&J with potato chips layered inside. (If you say you haven’t done that, you’re lying.) I also started a harmless rumor and blew bubbles in my milk with a straw.

Being a kid was so much easier. I went to school 2 blocks from home, walked home with my best friend, and she’d stay until exactly 5:27 which gave her the right amount of time to get home by 5:30 for dinner. On the weekends, we’d meet halfway, right by the bushes in front of some old lady’s house.

Sometimes I feel like a kid in an adult’s body, and sometimes I feel exactly the opposite.

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Do you ever feel like what you’re doing doesn’t matter? Or that you don’t matter? Maybe you’re trying to raise money for a national philanthropy and only ¬†manage to raise $200. This foundation gets donations of thousands of dollars at time! Does it even matter? Or maybe you really want to do something, but get passed over. Do you still matter?

I think yes.

I’ve had my fair share of “pass overs” and I can tell you, it hurts. It hurts a lot. All I want to do is cry, mope, and host a personal pity party, table for one. I heard this quote somewhere…

“People with high expectations¬†for themselves are prone to heartbreak.”

And I’ve been heartbroken.

I was recently talking to a friend about one of these “pass overs,” and she helped me see it in a different light. I may have been passed over on more than one occasion for more than one opportunity (which I really wanted, at the time), but because I did not receive that position, I was able to do more elsewhere.

And while it seemed like what I was doing elsewhere did not matter at the time, that does not mean that people did not notice and appreciate. Perhaps the universe has a different plan for me. And I’m needed elsewhere for that moment, hour, day, week, semester, year. And it’s not that I wasn’t chosen because I wasn’t good enough, popular enough, or qualified enough. But because someone else was differently good, popular, or qualified. That person may do very well or very poorly. But it is pointless to spend time saying, “I would have been better at that.” Because I don’t know that! I would have done things differently, achieved maybe a different outcome, but I can’t say I would have done better. That’s a struggle for me.

The idea can be applied to the modest fundraiser. While the foundation is used to receiving donations averaging $2,000, it is easy to say that they will notice and appreciate a donation a tenth of the size.

Keep trying. Keep doing good. Keep putting yourself out there, but do not be disappointed if it does not go your way. It’s a big world out there, and there’s lots of opportunities for everyone. Be patient, wait your turn, keep your limbs inside of the car, and you’ll reach your destination sooner than you think.

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